By: Katie Croft
Don’t come to Stratford if you tend to snooze
throughout your best friend’s art show.
You’ll see paint on building, sidewalks, and pipes
alike. We get it. We lose
you right here, but please resist your urge to throw
a tomato at all the little tykes.
If you don’t like to see color pop
on sheds and random walls in alleys
I suggest you don’t go into this shop
and maybe also stay away from Cali.
But most importantly…don’t go to Stratford.
Don’t even dare to come around
if your motivation can’t seem to be found
because you will be left in the round.
We like to dance, and we like to sing.
And when we fancy…we like to dress like a bloody king.
If you aren’t a fan of learning
about all of the planning and rehearsing
try to keep your yawns to yourself.
Because if you found you’ve fallen asleep
we might dress you up like an elf.
If these don’t sound like your thing
just stay away from Stratford.
If you don’t support the arts this trip will be a doozy.
10 plays in 10 days isn’t for the faint of heart.
You might come away feeling slightly bougie,
but there’s always a chance they’ll tear your insides apart.
If this doesn’t feel like your scene
there is no need to be obscene.
Just take the moral high road
and turn yourself into a toad.
Or…just don’t come to Stratford.
If solitude is how you spend your time
and like to avoid the twinkle and shine
of an eye full of tears of laughter
you might not even want to open this chapter.
Because we have inside joke
after joke to help keep us woke
and may be used as a cloak
to mask the intended hurt of the plays.
If this is your thing, consider it a ‘do,’
but if it’s not don’t follow through.
Tea, Coffee, and Food (Oh my!).
Try to avoid a trip to this city
if you can’t stand to be called a hippie.
Because this bowl right here
gives hope to the deer
who want to stay out of the stew.
And don’t get me started on the coffee scene.
The number of shops that have sprouted from this bean
might to some be considered obscene.
Why have these shops when you could partake in poutine?
But of course, you might prefer a sardine.
To that I say, go get some caffeine.
And keep yourself out of Stratford.
If you can…think back to when you were young,
and try to remember if Shakespeare had you holding your tongue
because you thought it was a pile of dung.
Or perhaps it had you busting a lung
because we find that the laughter has rung
about the theater throughout each show of this trip.
If you have no respect for the Bard
you might find this trip especially hard.
He’s in the theater and in someone’s yard.
I even glimpsed him on a large man’s back lard.
He is on a meter, the back of a playing card,
and you can detect him in every script.
For your sake I hope you can handle
hearing the man mentioned on every channel.
But if you can’t it’s okay. Just avoid the scandal
and keep yourself out of Stratford.
But as for me, I just adore
every lesson and opportunity provided.
So decide for yourself if you can ignore
all of the things that might make you sore.
It truly is a beautiful place to be.